When there are no words.. there is just deep pain.. it hurts.. my soul hurts.. its deep inside. My stomach has been playing up for a week and today it’s going in circles and I feel like not eating nor talking to anyone. Though I did talk and it is good because it made me realise that only I can understand the depth of the feeling or emotion I’m experiencing right now. There is no one in the world who can understand me better than me myself except a soulmate I guess.. or maybe they even won’t understand. It feels that as I took the initiative this is what I should expect. I say it’s not about the one who has the guts to do something about a situation that’s going the wrong direction, it’s about how one behaves after the decision has been made, how one treats the other, how much respect and love there is towards the other. I’ve been hurt many times but I still respect, I forgive, I love and I move on or I give another chance or opportunity and I fight to make things work for as long as I can or have the energy to do so. How much do you love and respect the other after they’ve hurt you? That’s when we see the real you and how much love and compassion one has in their heart.
It’s how I behave during the most painful times towards the ones that brought me through this pain. My iPhone got stolen and it was the first one in my life, I had it for two months and it had photos I wanted to show my grandma very much. People told me: ‘Put a corse on the guy’. I said nothing. I went to church and I prayed for him. I prayed, I forgave and I prayed, and I have forgiven. Obviously iPhone is nothing compared to a heartfelt pain as it has no heart or soul but it’s about the actions we take. I chose to pray and forgive him.
Church is really something I miss here on the island. Tomorrow on Sunday I’d love to be at Makosoi church again. To me it feels like home just like being here on the island but more spiritual and always so special.
My stomach has been really playing up and I couldn’t understand why but now I feel I do understand why. It feels my body knew something is wrong, the energy wasn’t right and it was showing me what my mind couldn’t understand as it only started towards the end of my trip. My body was talking to me the whole week and now when I know the mental explanation, it all makes perfect sense. Our stomach shows our emotions and feelings. It felt the pain that’s coming, it felt the environment that couldn’t have been mentally explainable as no one spoke a word but the energy was there. The more intuitive one becomes the closer they are to their body and their soul. I’m very intuitive and for the second time in my life my body reacted and I felt it before knowing it. First time it happened after a 10 day Vipassana Meditation where one spends 9 days in silence. I had frustration and anger coming up but first I felt my leg and lower back having painful sensations and then the frustration and anger came.
Our body is incredible. We are such wonderful beings. I love my body inside and out as I don’t think there is anyone smarter than our own body.
Forgive, love and respect.
The Island Life.